Looking Back at 2014 Part 1: Beating the Fear- and Sweating a Bit

Happy New Year!!!

I hope you’ve had a wonderful Christmas, and are looking forward to a wonderful 2015.

As usual, the start of a New Year always makes me look back at the one just past. SO much has happened!! Tomorrow I’ll be looking back at my writing year- today however, I’m raising a glass to a friend who in 2014- literally- saved my butt!!

Any of you who follow my blog will know that for my New Years resolution for 2014 (okay I’m asking a lot for you to remember last January!)- was that I was to try and be just a little bit braver. I would be the first to admit that I haven’t done many things in my life that I’d really like to have tried because, frankly, I was scared, lacked the confidence, and have big shyness issues. (Yes- really!)

My biggest fear of all is ‘the gym’- in fact, anything sports related. Like at least half of the children of High School age, I wasn’t very good at sport. I was the child that got picked last for teams, was teased by staff and students alike, and belittled. Every single minute of my daily hour of PE was pure humiliating hell. Okay- so that was a long time ago now- but bullying of any sort casts a long shadow.

The consequence of this is that I have never set foot in a gym, and have had major panic attacks each time I’ve attempted to join any exercise  class. I tried a yoga class last year. The teacher was great, I went with a good friend- I felt well out of my depth, but I survived- but then I cried for 4 hours straight afterwards and never went back.

Every time I get close to trying to join in with anything exercise based I just fall to pieces. Mother Nature however, had obviously had enough of me wimping out, because in December 2013 she decided to take matters into her own hands and give me a medical reason for having to go to a gym. I won’t bore you with the details, but basically, my butt muscles don’t work properly- somewhat ironic for an erotica writer perhaps!!!

It took me weeks and weeks to get up the courage to even take up the invitation from my lovely friend Topsy, who runs  a local gym, to even visit and just look around. Then it took another month for him (and myself) to slowly build up my own confidence to do more than look. Then, last May I went- I did it- for ten minutes only, with Topsy looking after me- I went to the gym. I went on the treadmill, I went on the cycle- and I did it. I didn’t cry,  I didn’t panic, and I didn’t run away.

This probably sounds feeble to you- but to me this is a major achievement. Not only did I overcome a fear that has haunted me since I was 11 years old, but after several months of hard work, it means that I feel so much better. Not just physically, but mentally as well.

While I will never be a sporty person, (nor would I want to be), it no longer terrifies me! Not only that, but I’ve made some lovely new friends, always have a laugh- even when I’m being tied into some knots which Miss Sarah from The Perfect Submissive would be proud of!! She would certainly endorse Topsy’s P.A.L technique- Pain Assisted Learning!!!

I think it’s only fair to say that Topsy has, not only been kindness itself, but has- quite literally- saved my butt in 2014!!

So after that major life change, what will be my New Year’s Resolution this year? Well- I’ll probably be pushing it- but I am going to attempt to learn the art of saying ‘No’…. That is going to be one hell of a challenge!!!!

Happy New Year lovely reader friends- come back tomorrow for a round up of my writing year.

Happy reading

Kay xxxxx